Dear boys,
Most days in life are about putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward. Rinse, repeat. Practice good habits, be in the company of good people, and you shall have many good days.
Occasionally, there will be days when you can not put a foot in front of the other. Instead you will be forced to choose between two paths. Whether you like it or not, these decisions will be the measuring stick of your life. Sometimes the choice will be easy to make but hard to follow as in love and passion. Other times it might be difficult to make but easy afterwards as in choosing what to eat or which movie to watch.
I can not make these decisions for you, but I do have advice on how to make good decisions. My father set a good example in this regard. He was not perfect, but he made many good decisions and led a very rich life. In his wisdom, I too have had a great life. Here are a few simple thoughts on what to do when you are faced with a big decision.
One, accept that you are the one who must make this decision. Never delegate your life to someone else, even those you love and admire. Ownership of your life is foundational if you ever seek to find happiness and fulfillment. By owning your decisions, you eliminate the excuse of blaming others. Without the cloud of excuses, you will learn from your mistakes and make better decisions.
Two, surround yourself with a cabinet of trusted friends and advisors. Make sure your group is between three and seven people whom you admire, trust, and think differently from you. Solicit their thoughts and carefully explain your situation. Do not ask them what to do, instead ask them what they hear from you and what their thoughts are. You are seeking their feedback to your thinking and logic, not what you should decide. As with proofreading, another set of eyes and ears can find mistakes you can’t see because you’re too close to the issue. Good advisors can point out your blindness such that you can make a more informed decision.
Three, if there is no clear deadline, make one. Paralysis from analysis is real. Having a big decision weigh on you is costly even if you are unaware. Know that you will never have all the facts and information. Don’t rush, rather be deliberate. Once you have thought through the options and consulted your cabinet, give it one night of sleep and make your decision in the morning.
Finally, once you have made your decision, start putting one foot in front of the other and move on. Do not dwell on the “what if” and “could have been.” You had a choice and now you made it. Life is a series of trade offs. If you chose poorly, review your thinking and process before your next decision, but don’t live in the past, move on.
One last thing, I hope that life rewards you with interesting and challenging paths to choose from. And know you can always call your dad.