Spring is Near

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The Olympics just ended, February is on it’s last week. The fun stretch of the year is around the corner.

We are spring season people in my house. One of the best parts of living where we do (a place that has four distinct seasons), is that every March, the flowers and trees start coming to life. Each week from about now until July will showcase something new blooming and/or showing growth. I’m nearly 50 and this annual process never grows old. It always makes an impression on me.

Also coming up is my favorite holiday of the year, our anniversary. My lovely bride and I have been married for over two decades. I can’t describe how important our relationship is in our lives, it is the foundation and center of my universe. Happy anniversary love, once the kids are off to college, lets go back to Zermatt and watch sunrises over the Matterhorn again!

Not only does the change of seasons bring forth a renewed sense of optimism, there feels a deeper current starting to gather momentum. Last year tossed us a few curve balls, especially me. Yet things appear back on track and I’m optimistic that the next few years will be our best ever. We booked a family trip for early April to visit friends and get out of town. I’m also working on another late summer road trip around New England. That trip will mark getting our sons to all 50 states before the oldest turns 18! Any advice for great food and sights in RI, VT, CT, NH, and ME are welcome!

For the past year, I’ve traveled less than usual. Being at home more was nice for a bit, but I’m eager to explore new places. I have high hopes that the next decade will be spent more on the road as our life simplifies and we regain control of our schedules and life demands. I’ve been told that happens as the kids leave the house. Here’s hoping that dream comes true.

Mentors I Never Met

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Wisdom and advice come in many forms from many sources. At a very early age, I learned that you don’t have to know the person, it can come from strangers. It can even come from people who have long since passed away. Yes, I also have real live mentors that I know personally and spend time with, but the lions’ share of wisdom and influences come from people I have never met.

Biographies, books, movies, documentaries, podcasts, you name it.  Within those many thousands of characters from Albert Einstein to Zachary Taylor, a few individuals have held my focus and shaped my character.  This column is a tribute to those individuals. A thank you note. A reflection on how their words helped shape me into who I am. Or as Newton once said, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”

Modern psychology has a name for these relationships: para-social, meaning one sided.  Over forty plus years I built relationships with strangers but didn’t know the name for what that relationship was.  In the era of radio shows and podcasts, I listened to hundreds, maybe thousands, of hours from some of these mentors. Their voices are as familiar as members of my own family. Yet if I ran into any of these people in a coffee shop or at the grocery, they would have no idea who I am.

I wonder if someone like Michael Pollan or Scott Galloway would be friends with me, but that’s not how this works. Instead, i get to enjoy their stories and content, cherry picking the nuggets of wisdom for my own life. Unlike real relationships, i can ignore their messy parts and weaknesses. So I support para-social relationships, my life and real relationships have benefited from them.

Disclaimer: As mentioned in the paragraph above, my mentors I never met are human beings. As such, they have human flaws, make human mistakes, and have human failings. Yet despite these issues, I still find immense value in their stories and advice. So do not judge me for learning from Albert Einstein (terrible father) or Genghis Khan (murder). I learned from their lives and wisdom and I am better person because so.

Letters to My Sons – The Grind

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“Don’t stop when you are tired. Stop when you are done.” — David Goggins

“Don’t fight stress. Embrace it. Turn it on itself.” — Jocko Willink

Embrace the grind. There will be moments in your life where the workload and burden will seem to exceed your capacity and abilities.

Julie Moss crawls to the finish line at the 1982 Ironman World Championship. (Photo: Carol Hogan/Ironman)

I have a secret to tell you. You are nowhere near your limit, not even close.

What you are feeling is the discomfort that comes with doing hard things. This is natural. It is a signal. Your future mind and body will adapt. This is how you get stronger. Take a deep breath, ignore the distractions, and get back to work. Doubling your efforts now will have an outsized positive impact on your life and the opportunities awaiting you.

You live in a world that has created nearly infinite ways to succeed and utilize your talents, creativity, and potential. The future is full of incredible opportunities. However, success will not come to you, it requires persistence, discipline, and sweat. Or as Ann Landers once said, “Opportunities are usually disguised as hard work, so most people don’t recognize them.” You my sons, are not “most people.”

Just as there are infinite opportunities to succeed in life, there are also infinite ways for you to lose focus, get distracted, and fall behind. It will always be easier to watch TV, play video games, or procrastinate when you should be working. Do not fall into this trap. You are a smart but not immune to temptation. Know that the siren’s song of gaming, your smart phone, or youtube will lure your mind away from doing the work you should be doing. How you overcome this challenge is uniquely personal, but I have a few tips: 1) Stack the odds in your favor. Don’t give your subconscious any visual cues to tempt you. Put your phone in another room and out of sight. 2) Build reliable work habits. Do your work at the same time everyday. This creates a routine. Like meals, our bodies respond to routine. Your mind will follow. 3) Try to maintain decent sleep and don’t stay up late. Caffeine can help in a pinch, but she’s a cruel mistress when abused. There are diminishing returns for cramming at the last minute.

Tim Urban wrote probably the best essay on procrastination and modern life. As you are a very intelligent person, I highly recommend taking time to read it. In my experience, smart people are most prone to procrastination.

All hard efforts come to an end at some point. When you finish, then you can relax and play. If you can figure out how to reward yourself for work while managing to stay focused on the task at hand, you will go far in life.