Wisdom and advice come in many forms from many sources. At a very early age, I learned that you don’t have to know the person, it can come from strangers. It can even come from people who have long since passed away. Yes, I also have real live mentors that I know personally and spend time with, but the lions’ share of wisdom and influences come from people I have never met.
Biographies, books, movies, documentaries, podcasts, you name it. Within those many thousands of characters from Albert Einstein to Zachary Taylor, a few individuals have held my focus and shaped my character. This column is a tribute to those individuals. A thank you note. A reflection on how their words helped shape me into who I am. Or as Newton once said, “If I have seen further it is by standing on the shoulders of giants.”
Modern psychology has a name for these relationships: para-social, meaning one sided. Over forty plus years I built relationships with strangers but didn’t know the name for what that relationship was. In the era of radio shows and podcasts, I listened to hundreds, maybe thousands, of hours from some of these mentors. Their voices are as familiar as members of my own family. Yet if I ran into any of these people in a coffee shop or at the grocery, they would have no idea who I am.
I wonder if someone like Michael Pollan or Scott Galloway would be friends with me, but that’s not how this works. Instead, i get to enjoy their stories and content, cherry picking the nuggets of wisdom for my own life. Unlike real relationships, i can ignore their messy parts and weaknesses. So I support para-social relationships, my life and real relationships have benefited from them.
Disclaimer: As mentioned in the paragraph above, my mentors I never met are human beings. As such, they have human flaws, make human mistakes, and have human failings. Yet despite these issues, I still find immense value in their stories and advice. So do not judge me for learning from Albert Einstein (terrible father) or Genghis Khan (murder). I learned from their lives and wisdom and I am better person because so.